On December 28, 2014 I came home. On December 28, 2014 I stopped covering myself in the garden and started letting God mend my broken heart. On December 28, 2014 I crawled out of the trenches and walked into the light. On December 28, 2014 My Father embraced me in all my filth and called me new, On December 28, 2014 something strange happened… the darkness fell away.
2014 has been a year of much hurt. I battled the loss of one of my very best friends who was killed in a car accident while I was in Africa. I have watched my Dad’s terminal illness get worse and worse as the days pass. A mentor and youth minister of mine was taken by cancer. And eventually my heart became so wounded that I could no longer move. I stopped playing music. I stopped writing. I honestly stopped believing. I stopped dreaming. There was no hope.
Let me tell you, the journey home has not been easy. It’s taken me 5 months to built up the courage to come back to Jesus. I left the wilderness I found myself in and ran back towards the only place I knew I was safe.
God didn’t wait for me to get home and start working to gain His love, He saw me from a long way off and came running to pull me in to His arms. His Love waited for me to come back. God knew that more than I am guilty, I am sick. I’ve been wounded. I am broken.
I have discovered something quite striking about God: He never gives us trees… He gives us seeds. He gives us some, waits for us to settle that land, then gives us more. He is not holding things from us, He is holding things for us.
Life is a bit of time, and a lot of relationship. We must abide in Him. We must not have a holy visitation, but a holy habitation. Settle in. Many say that time heals all wounds, but that isn’t true. If a wound is left unattended for to long, it will fester and become much worse. God heals all wounds. Yes, it is a process, and yes, it will take time, but time alone can do nothing.
Think about this: If you plant a seed and take it out of the dirt every 15 minutes, nothing is ever going to happen; there will be no growth. But, If you plant a seed and wait, it will grow. God is never frantic. He is always peace. He is always patient.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30 MSG)
The answer to most all questions in this life is: RUN TO JESUS. “There has never been the slightest doubt in My mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish” (Phil 1:6). Settle in.
Walking into 2014 I had no hope. All I had was suffering. Little did I know what my suffering was producing. “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope” (Romans 5:3-4). Hope has been restored once again.
I would like this post to be dedicated to the beautiful and loving Lucy Boettcher. Lucy taught me what It looks like to be brave. She is dancing in the presence of her Savior right this minute. I miss you, Luce. Thank you for believing in me.
I also want to honor the people that have stood by me and loved me through this journey. The story isn’t over yet. A seed has just been planted and now we get to wait and watch what God does as He begins the process of healing in my heart.